Tipparents

In the midst of assessment season, psychologists warn that stress is a real problem, and parents and teachers must be careful not to exacerbate this condition. In addition to their own emotions, children also have to manage social pressure (they have to perform in the group they belong to or in front of friends, acquaintances).

“There is a significant increase in the level of stress both in the sphere of parents and children taking exams during this period. For example, on our platform, a 25% increase in counseling sessions on this topic was noted in the last month. That is why it is important that, first of all, parents learn to manage their own stress in order to reduce the pressure felt by every child who goes through such an examination”, explained doctor Mihai Bran, psychiatrist and co-founder of atlashelp .net, online psychotherapy clinic.

The first stage is where adults have to learn to overcome and manage their own stress related to the child’s exam. Just as important as this is understanding the emotions that underlie the child’s behavior. Small gestures are important when the child is going through a stressful time.

Cook his favorite food, talk to him, ask him from time to time how he is doing, if he needs help, show him that you care about him, his problems, what he feels, but try not to insist too much.

Another key element in managing exam stress is to appreciate the efforts you put in and notice the positive things you do.

At the same time, try to show that you are always available for conversation, encourage him to come to you when he feels stressed, tell him about your own emotions when you took exams and how you managed to overcome them. Show him that you trust him and his ability to handle this situation.

What NOT to do when your child is stressed about exams

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Never compare your child with another, using words that praise another child and underestimate him.

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Don’t make negative predictions about the future: “You won’t pass the exam, you won’t enter high school, you won’t get to college, etc!”. The child/adolescent needs to be validated, supported, not discouraged!

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Do not check the child frequently, you will get the exact opposite!

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Don’t focus your attention – implicitly the child’s – only on mistakes or difficult things.

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Do not give unsolicited advice and do not treat your child with superiority.

Very calm

Try to keep calm in the various discussions you have with him. It imposes limits, but not without giving him the opportunity to decide for himself. So he will learn that certain decisions can bring them unpleasant consequences. Also, try to find the balance between severity and gentleness. In this way, you will be able to make yourself understood more easily and you will notice more cooperation from him. Try to involve him in making decisions about your family. Thus, you will give up the role of protective parent and you will leave him the freedom to experiment with making decisions.

Communication above all

Recently, teenagers prefer to communicate more by typing messages, talking on the phone, or through various social networks. However, don’t forget, especially during that period, direct communication between you and him plays an extremely important role.

Through discussions, the adolescent must know ahead of time what to expect and what consequences his actions may have. Being his friend, you can have more involvement in his activities, thus also having the possibility to supervise him, but without invading his personal space.

Behavioral changes

Your child turned into a teenager overnight. More stubborn by nature and on the map all the time, the teenager tends not to accept the imposition of rules, but he also does not respect the promises made.

If he has made a habit of staying late in the evening around town, ask other parents about the time of “entering the house” and try to give him 10 minutes of respite from the originally set time. Talk to him about this, and if the situation continues to repeat itself, you can later apply the consequences.

11,000 14-year-olds participated in the study, and although researchers cannot yet say for sure that excessive use of social networks causes mental problems, evidence is beginning to emerge in this direction. The study also showed that young people who spend a lot of time on Facebook, Instagram and other networks sleep less than would be normal for their age and, worse than that, two thirds of the girls declared that they were verbally harassed on these networks. A quarter of the boys participating in the study declared that they too were verbally assaulted.

The risk of depression for girls who spend long hours on social networks is accentuated by the fact that many people they follow do their best to post perfect pictures and show others their flawless lives. So, many insecure teenage girls who do not have extraordinary lives end up with low self-esteem and dissatisfaction with their bodies, overall physical appearance and achievements.

The risk of depression in teenage girls. What can you do as a parent?

• Talk to her about the time she should spend on social networks, suggesting other activities to keep her away from the Internet throughout the day.

• Reassure her that if someone addresses her inappropriately on social media or feels threatened, she can confidently come talk to you and find a solution together.

• Remind your girl that not everything posted on social media is true and that just because people choose to post only nice things, it doesn’t mean their lives are ideal or that they never have problems.

• Explain that a perfect complexion from a picture he sees on the Internet can be easily achieved with the help of makeup or photo editing programs, and that there is little chance that a figure will look like this naturally. Tell her that it’s natural for her to want to look good too, but to do it for herself, not to impress others. Show her how to eat a balanced diet and how to take care of herself according to her age, and direct her to a sport she likes, stressing that beauty means first and foremost health. Very important, be careful what model you give them: a teenager needs to see that his parents are people who are satisfied with their physical appearance, confident in their intellectual qualities and confident in their own strengths.

The time spent outside the family, outside the environment controlled by the parents, is valuable for young people in the period of defining their identity, say psychologists. For example, camps can make them responsible.

As a parent, it is important to understand that the young preadolescent or adolescent goes through difficult trials on his way to building his self-image and identity. Like any valuable thing, identity is not obtained easily, but with effort and attempts to overcome obstacles, among which we mention the impositions of the school and parents, the formation and maintenance of the group of friends. To help him overcome them, you can just be with him from a certain distance.

Spending free time, by age

• Around the age of 10, children start to have the desire to be independent, but it is natural to go to camps and trips accompanied by adults. During this period, it is essential that parents encourage them and respect their wishes. They should not be forced to face difficult conditions just to harden themselves – this can have major negative effects on the later psychological development of children. Also, banning their experiences because of their own fears is not a fair measure either.

• Around the age of 14, young people become more independent, they like to do things their parents don’t know about, they need to be masters of their time and make decisions about how they spend it. Young people can be encouraged to organize themselves and responsibly in relation to spending time outside the family. Parents can be with them to discuss and plan these events. Also, it is crucial that parents teach them to protect themselves from possible inconveniences.

• Starting from the age of 18, it is natural for young people to plan their vacations and free time on their own, communicating the ideas they have come up with to their parents.

Children become more responsible

Spending time outside the family, as long as it respects the child’s desire and need for protection, has several advantages. When planning his trip, the teenager develops his ability to anticipate – he learns to organize his time, activities and necessary resources. That is why it is good for parents to teach their children to pack their own luggage and to assist them, not to do it for them. During the trip, the children learn to solve their own problems, to help their colleagues or to ask for their help. They also learn the ability to handle themselves in various situations, to become responsible. That is why it is good for parents to maintain communication with the child by phone or images only for what is strictly necessary and exclusively at the child’s desire and need, so they should not initiate the communication. Socializing and discovering new and different models to approach various situations is a gain in personal independence. Parents can also benefit from their children going on trips, camps, etc. – they can use this time for themselves, they can rediscover themselves and spend time differently than when the children are at home and their needs come first.

Trust is basic

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The main “ingredient” behind the decision to let the child go on trips is the parents’ trust in themselves and in their children. Also, children’s main gain is confidence – in themselves and in their ability to face new situations without the immediate help of their parents. In trips and camps, the child learns to make friends and collaborate in a team.

Expert advice

Cristina Stroe, psychologist, counseling specialist psychological,

psychoeducatia.ro, tel. 0722.474.573

The time spent by teenagers outside the family is a good opportunity to grow and take responsibility. Not infrequently, upon returning from a camp, training camp or trip of a few days, parents welcome home a different person than the one who left. “It’s like he’s grown,” they say, being used to recognizing physical development as the only way to grow. Even if he did not grow physically, it is true that he became a slightly more mature person, with a few more personal experiences, with a few trials overcome on his own. And this is a priceless gift that parents can give their children, giving up a little bit of control over them.

To begin with, have an open discussion with him, as if from a friend to a friend. No reproaches and an official tone, because you won’t get anything that way. Introduce them to the risks they are exposed to and look for information together about everything that involves getting a tattoo.

The regret caused by the impossibility of erasing it

Explain to them that getting a tattoo is a lifelong decision and they should not rush, but think carefully before. Even if he ardently wants to get a tattoo, either because he is attracted to the art of decorating the body with the help of drawings, or because he was convinced by the entourage, he talks openly with him.

Tell him that there is a risk that he will later regret the choice made and that he must be aware that sometimes getting a tattoo can represent a lifelong choice, because not all such designs on the skin can be removed. If you also have one or more tattoos, tell them about your experience, all the stages you went through and whether you are now reconciled or not with the decision you made.

It exposes itself to infections

Beyond the pain he may feel, depending on the area of ​​the body where he would like to get the tattoo done, infections are an important factor to consider. Since the skin bleeds at the time of tattooing, the risk of infections such as hepatitis B or C increases.

It was even found that the presence of the hepatitis C virus (HCV), which causes damage to the liver, is 9 times higher in people who get tattoos. Granulomas, keloid scars (abnormal development and increase in size of scar tissue), contact dermatitis and allergic reactions can also occur, especially in the case of tattoos where a lot of red, green, yellow or blue pigment has been used.

Read also: Do ​​not neglect the risks of tattoos

There are no safety regulations

Are tattoos safe? Yes, the ink used is approved and has a certificate, but what matters a lot is whether the salon where it is made complies with hygiene standards. According to dermatologists at the Institute for Dermatologic Laser Surgery in Washington DC, when you inject a substance into your skin, you expose yourself to the risk of infections, such as tuberculosis, HIV, tetanus, or staphylococcus aureus. Therefore, if you decide to get a tattoo, it is advisable to choose a salon where sterilized instruments, disposable needles are used, and the staff is qualified.

Ink allergy

The ingredients in the ink can also cause allergic reactions. These can be manifested by acute itching on the skin, most often due to allergens such as mercury or nickel, found in the composition of the ink. For this reason, the scars that inevitably appear after tattooing can become inflamed, on a case-by-case basis.

Restrictions to practice certain jobs

If at some point, your child, the young adult in the making, wants to work in aviation or the police, for example, this will not be possible because of the rather strict rules, among which is the lack of tattoos. Therefore, this aspect must also be taken into account. One of the solutions would be to make a temporary tattoo, which is maintained for a few weeks, then disappears completely.

Disappointment at the result

There is a possibility that the tattoo will not come out as it should, because there are many tattoo artists who do not have much experience or talent, but who practice this job. In time, however, it can change, as it can lose the intensity of the color. As the skin ages, it may no longer look as it did in the beginning.

swell

Dermatologists claim that it is much more difficult to detect skin cancer, for example, on a tattooed body.

Does your daughter, who is no longer a child, have days when she talks civilly to you and days when she snaps at you? Does she have moments when she smiles and tells you what she did at school and days where she sulks and bursts into tears if you make the slightest observation? Specialists say there is nothing abnormal, given the changes she goes through on her way to adulthood.

The brain changes throughout life, but there are certain moments when it makes huge leaps. After leaving childhood, the young woman’s brain acquires a much greater processing power, she begins to have skills for solving dilemmas, but above all this, the power of emotions stands. The part of the brain responsible for emotions and the formation of memories changes enormously during puberty.

Considering that your daughter is going through huge hormonal changes at the same time, the new state will be confusing for her: she has moments of anger, aggression towards herself or you as parents, she starts to feel physical attraction to various people. Even now, young women face the first sensations of social anxiety, wondering what other people think of them and going through difficult times if they feel that they do not live up to society’s standards.

Felicity Brooks, teacher and author of books for young people, points out that: “The part of the brain responsible for emotions develops before the part responsible for matters such as planning, decision-making and understanding the emotions of others. It’s no surprise, then, that teenagers have strong feelings, but sometimes find it hard to think through the consequences or understand the effect their actions have on others.” (the volume “How do girls grow?”, Curtea Veche Publishing)

What can you do as a parent? Listen to your daughter, be patient with her moods and try, as much as possible, an assertive approach. Do not attack her, try to have a calm and effective communication with her, avoiding to speak to her with superiority. Be empathetic and give him honest examples from your own youth, tell him how you felt in your relationship with your parents and how you overcame certain delicate moments. It is important that she sees in you a person who understands her, not one who judges her and forbids certain actions without explanation.

As the pandemic complicated everyone’s lives, adapting to the new normal was a challenge especially for teenagers. During this difficult time, it is good to give your teenager the emotional support he needs.

Frustrations, fears, anger, anxiety, sadness – all create an amalgam of feelings that can lead to outbursts from your teenager. A slammed door, a tantrum, snappy answers are just some of the typical signs of the arrival of stormy adolescence. They are just ways in which he can make his wishes known. In the absence of impulsive manifestations, they collect many frustrations that can lead to depression. For this reason, the appearance of aggressive tendencies is normal in the adolescent’s attempt to accept all the changes he is going through, which he does not understand, but also what does not always happen as he would like. What you can do as a parent is to help him understand the emotional changes he has to deal with.

“If we want our teenagers to be more disciplined and responsible, we have to give them the chance to make choices and to be aware that there are limits. It is good to draw these limits as early as possible, because many problems are foreshadowed – cars, meetings, drinks, parties; some of them you may have already faced and they become more serious as the child grows.” (source: ‘Emotional Intelligence in the Education of Children’, by Maurice J. Elias, Steven E. Tobias, Brian S. Friedlander , Curtea Veche Publishing House)

Be a role model for him

Despite his reactions, the teenager still perceives you as a role model, even if you find it hard to believe or do not admit it to you. Most of the time, they tend to test you to see your limits. Intentionally or not, he defies you whenever he has the opportunity or becomes a rebel. What they expect from you is a quick and firm reaction. Therefore, the best way to deal with him is to control your anger and not let his aggressive behavior anger you. Avoid contradicting him, because you will only get angry. Surprise him with your calmness and willingness to listen. Be open to giving him answers or suggestions for solving his problems. He may not thank you or show you that you helped him, but you will gain his trust.

Choose your words carefully

Precisely for the management of childhood crying spells, the well-known tantrums, avoid approaching them with words like: “Calm down! It’s not a big deal!”. He will think you don’t understand him. Better to wait until he calms down on his own. Reassure him that what is happening to him is important to you and that you are ready to discuss it with him. Avoid blaming him. You will be of no use to him. If you speak to him in a superior tone or defend those with whom he is in conflict, he will feel rejected by you and withdraw even more into himself. Try to discover all aspects of the problem and listen to him with great attention and patience. If he acts aggressively when something doesn’t go his way, let him vent. He doesn’t want to tell you anything about what happened? Do not pester him with questions, avoid making assumptions and demanding. Explain to him that you once went through something similar and convince him that he can trust you.

Read also: What models do teenagers still have

A psychologist may be needed

It may seem absurd to you that a stranger knows better than you what is in the mind and soul of your own teenager. However, you cannot find out all the reasons for his sudden mood swings. Being from outside the family, the psychologist will inspire more confidence in the young person to whom he will not be afraid to confess. You can’t expect an improvement in his behavior overnight, but from a psychologist he will find answers to his dilemmas and temper him over time.

other Tips for parents

Don’t scold him in public. It will make him feel like he’s up to no good. You may not like his passions, but he has his own skills.

Understand his passions. Try talking to him about activities he can do with friends, such as outdoor sports.

Let him talk to you only when he wants to. It is better to be his confidant and accept his secrets. Stay close when needed.