A few years ago, he was a sweet and obedient child. But now he has become very changeable and stubborn.
How do you “control” him in such a way that you don’t make him turn against you? This is exactly the problem. You’ve probably realized that teenagers don’t like to be controlled or to feel that they’re being kept short.
This makes them react exactly the opposite of how they should. If you forbid it to do something, well, that’s exactly what it will do. It depends on you that your relationship is a successful one, without “boss” and “subordinate”.
Don’t ignore him…
… when he has a difficult behavior, whether he doesn’t want to answer you, turns his back on you or raises his voice. Let him understand that he has to respect you and that you will not tolerate him raising his voice or talking bad to you. For your part, you must not talk bad to him or raise your tone very much.
If you fail to communicate with him…
… or if he doesn’t tell you everything, ask someone in the family to talk to him, someone he trusts and with whom he can talk at will: an uncle, an aunt, a cousin close to his age, who passed through the same “phases”. Sometimes an outsider can provide unexpected help.
Don’t rush to ask him…
… but think about how you were as a teenager and be tolerant with him when he experiences new behaviors. For example, when you come home and find a party in full swing, if you get angry and kick out all his friends, the child may resent you for putting him in a bad light towards them.
Call him aside and tell him that he didn’t do the right thing, that he didn’t notify you, and that he should end the party and come to talk.
Follow him (discreetly)…
… to see what he does and where he goes. This does not mean turning into a detective in the true sense, but always knowing what his plans are.
Agree with him on a time to arrive home and do it in such a way that he tells you himself where he is going and what he is going to do, without having to ask him every time. And when you ask him, do it in a relaxed tone.
Let him decide…
… as possible, and to choose on his behalf, in certain situations. He will learn from his own mistakes. You can possibly warn him, but let him convince himself that he did not make the best decision.
Punish him…
… when they break the rules, when they don’t respect agreements. Then he will have to bear the consequences, which will be commensurate with the deed committed. For example, if he arrives home later than the appointed time, you can forbid him to leave the house the next day, but not for the whole week.
7 “rules” for you
1. Accept that you cannot control it giving him orders or threatening him.
2. Accept that it rejects certain valuesries or your beliefs because he tries to be independent, to have his own value system.
3. Respect his need for privacy and understand that he will no longer be willing to share everything with you.
4. Don’t be sarcastic, don’t take it for granteddon’t look down on him.
5. When he says he hates you, it’s because he’s angry and confusedor he’s angry because you’re trying to control him.
6. Empathize with him. Try to put yourself in his shoes and figure out what would be the best way to make him understand you.
7. Always keep calm.
