Getting your child to listen to you can be a long process. And maybe even difficult. It will test your nerves and patience, and you will have to pass the exam every time.
How to do? Follow the specialist’s advice, and your relationship with the child will benefit.
Most of the time, the child hears well what their parent asks or forbids, but does not take it into account.
That is, more precisely, he pretends not to hear. “Things have come up in the family that is troubling him. You stop paying attention to it or you pay it too much. You no longer get along with your life partner, you have high pressures at the office and they are felt at home, or you simply run out of patience. All these are reasons why he no longer listens to you, and as a parent, you should be the best able to understand what is happening with your child”, says psychologist Alexandru Cojocaru.
Be firm in your position
The habit of some parents to overlook their child’s mistakes is not an educational one. In this way, he will consider himself permitted certain things without giving account for them. “When you decide to make a decision, support it to the end and don’t contradict yourself with your partner. If you have decided, in the case of a small child, that he is not allowed near the stove, then both mother and father will take this decision into account. Children are masters at taking advantage of misunderstandings between parents. Also, when the child is a teenager, if you have decided that he does not go outside, he will have to respect this decision. Don’t let him change the subject or drag you into an argument on another subject. Stay on the original topic and be firm in your position”, continues the psychologist. But, it would be better not to say “no” to everything. Save it for the important stuff. Thus, the child will know that you are serious and that it is not a “no” like any other. You can do the same when the child is older. But when it comes to a firm “no”, stand your ground.
Explain to them, don’t impose on them
You have a very good chance of having an obedient child if, every time you ask him for something, you explain to him why you are asking him for that something. Otherwise, you risk a situation in which your child will try to prove to you that he knows much better than you what he has to do and will try to prove it to himself. “When the child is small, explain to him every time the decision you made. He may only be a year or so old, but you’ll be surprised at how much he understands. Therefore, do not consider it a waste of time and a waste of words to tell him as simply as possible why he is not allowed to eat from the floor or why he is not allowed to put his hand in the socket”, explains the psychologist.
The power of example
To show him that it is in his best interest to listen to you, you can use the power of example. The parent must be a positive role model for his child. And this is because the tendency of children is to imitate the behavior of their parents. Don’t ask him to tidy up his closet if yours is a mess. Don’t make him collect his toys if the papers and books on your desk are messy. And, just as well, don’t ask your child to stop eating sweets if he has them available or, even more, if he sees you always biting chocolate.
Hear his point of view
Before you get angry that they don’t listen to you, try to understand your child’s point of view. Remember how you were when he was his age and how you reacted when you were asked to do something you didn’t want to do. Ask him why he doesn’t want to tidy up the toys, for example. Maybe he doesn’t feel like it, or maybe he has good reasons. Talk to him politely and don’t give him orders. The child will respond more promptly to your requests if you use a gentle tone. Work with him on whatever he needs to do.
Alexandru Cojocaru, psychologist
www.alexandrucojocaru.ro, [email protected]. 0724.539.589 (appointments)
The roots of the child’s disobedience can be found, most of the time, somewhere in the education he received from his parents. Of course, there are more mischievous children and more polite children right from the start, but often, the parents are the ones who, through their behavior, generate a negative response from the little one. It is important to see where the child’s disobedience started.
It can be related to an age crisis, such as the one in adolescence, or it can be a stage in the child’s development (such as the eternal “no”, which appears somewhere in the third year of life). If you cannot handle the child at all, it is important to consult a specialist who can discover the underlying problem. Many times, the child’s insubordination is a form of protest to too little affection. Normally, there are three sessions with the child and one with the parents. It is important to change the model at the level of parents because then, children learn much faster the rules and respect a wisely established authority.