Does he slam doors and answer you harshly? It is possible that, through this behavior, the child will make his wishes known, get rid of some frustrations and depressions. The appearance of some rebellious tendencies is normal, because the teenager goes through hormonal changes. What you can do is help him understand the emotional changes he has to deal with.
Don’t give him lessons
Avoid starting a discussion with your teenager by saying: “Calm down!” He will think that you do not understand him and that you are not with him. It would be better to wait until he calms down, to assure him that what is happening to him seems important to you and that you are ready to discuss it with him.
You also won’t do him any good if you blame him, if you speak to him in a superior tone (“I know better!”) or if you defend those with whom he is in conflict. Try to discover all sides of the problem and listen to him with great patience.
Violence can be inherited
A teenager who physically assaults his parents or colleagues is difficult to understand. The causes of his behavior may even be family violence. Psychologist Alina Mirabela Marcu warns that “the young man’s aggressiveness can be maintained by the dominant parent, and if in his group of friends aggressive behaviors are valued as a sign of independence, then he will opt for the model proposed by the group”.
In the second situation, the parents can remove the young person from the environment and give him the chance to feel independent by letting him make his own decisions.
Win her trust!
Let him off the hook if he acts aggressively when things don’t go his way. If he doesn’t want to discuss what happened, don’t pester him with questions, avoid making assumptions and demanding. Convince him that he can trust you by explaining that you have been through this in your time.
Keep your cool!
Often, the young man tends to test you, to see your limits. Intentionally or not, he defies you whenever he has the opportunity or behaves differently than you ask him to. What they expect from you is a quick and firm reaction. That’s why it’s good to control your anger and not let his aggressive behavior make you angry. Avoid beating yourself up by contradicting him.
You will only manage to get angry. Surprise him better with your silence and with the openness you show to listen to him and to give him possible answers to his problems. Maybe he won’t thank you and won’t show you that you were a real help to him, but you’ll surely win his appreciation that way.
When to go to the psychologist
As a parent, you cannot know all the reasons behind your teen’s mood swings. This is why it is good to ask for the support of a specialist. Maybe it seems absurd to you that a stranger knows better what is in the mind and soul of your child.
However, a psychologist can help him more. The young man will not be afraid to tell him the most intimate secrets, but if you expect radical changes, find out that they will not happen overnight.
From a psychologist, he will learn many answers to his dilemmas and temper his aggressive starts. If you want to find a psychologist, ask your family doctor for more information.
