It’s great to have help when raising our children, but not every prompt is welcome. Some advice is real intrusions into our lives, while others seem harmless but are downright toxic.
A survey of 1,000 mothers in Australia found that 44% of them felt stressed by unwanted parenting advice, especially when it was received in the first three months of their baby’s life. The reason? They made them feel insecure about how they were handling parenting. In other words, unsolicited advice does more harm than good, no matter how right the person giving it is. Especially when you are a mother for the first time, those around you see you overwhelmed and, as a result, feel the urge to help in some way, to tell you what to do in various situations. “Remove dairy from the diet, let the baby cry from time to time!”. Everyone seems to know the best way to raise your child, but do they really? What about advice given with the best intentions, can it hurt too?
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Excessive praise
Even if the advice is wanted, it can still negatively affect the parent-child relationship. Don’t you hear from other moms and even educators or so-called parenting experts that it’s good to praise your child as much as possible? Many are of the opinion that this is the only way the little one becomes confident in his own abilities, but excessive praise has exactly the opposite effect. Psychologists are of the opinion that effort should be praised and not the result, to teach the child the whole process of achieving something and not becoming dependent on victories. In addition, the little one must begin to differentiate between accomplishing something truly commendable and ticking off something mundane for his age.
Excessive protection
No parent wants to see their smell suffer, so we all try to protect our little ones from dangers, failures and disappointments. This is the job of a parent, this is what we have harnessed for life! But even if someone tells you to always be with your child, it should not be taken literally. From a certain age onwards, it is no longer necessary to guard him when he is in the swing, for fear that otherwise he may fall, you do not have to forbid him to play with water or mud, just so that he does not get dirty or sick . By playing with almost everything around them, children learn to explore, have fun and discover what they can use various objects for. When you protect him too much from possible scratches and bruises or rejection from other children, you only transmit your fears and raise him unable to handle life’s challenges.
Permanent control
The “helicopter parent” is the omnipresent one in the child’s life, who suffocates the little one and does not allow him to enjoy the freedom to act and decide on his own. Surely you have met such mothers or that you too have been told to get involved in your child’s life as much as possible, so that you can act in time and save the junior from problems. Obviously, the involvement of parents is beneficial, but their exaggerated control is not desirable. It seems that a child with control-obsessed parents will end up, by age five, unable to control his feelings and impulses, and by age 10, having difficulties in school. So, ignore the advice that urges you to tell the youngest member of the family what to do every time. This does not mean that you take care of the little one, that you are by his side when needed. Even young children need to try new things and start solving problems on their own, specific to their age, obviously.
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Loading the daily schedule
We all want accomplished children who learn new things and excel in their favorite field. But just as well, our good intentions can overwhelm them without realizing it. So ignore the endless suggestions you get from other parents about a new course or activity. There will always be something else to do and you can’t tick them all off anyway! Does your little one really need piano lessons, dance and tennis lessons, self-development camps and scout trips? There’s nothing wrong with them, just don’t let the amount of extracurricular or holiday activities overwhelm you. Give your little girl or little boy free time to be a kid, play and fool around with his friends. Even out of boredom, new games can be born to teach the little one to socialize, negotiate with others of his age or simply relieve stress.
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