1. You don’t spend enough time with your child
Do you have the feeling that your rebellious teenager doesn’t want you around, and you conform and respect his wish? Nothing more wrong! Although they want to be treated like adults, teenagers lean, more often than they would like to admit, on the advice of their parents.
You don’t have to beat him on the head all day to ask him if he needs anything. But make sure he understands that you are with him. Don’t forget to remind him that he can always rely on “his”, in his time of need. And, to reinforce your words, regularly organize family meetings – this will give the child a sense of security, trust, and belonging.
2. You organize your life according to his
Of course, it’s important to put your child first, but not at the expense of your own personal and professional life. Don’t leave everything in a puddle to make yourself “pretty” under his feet. That’s not how you help him gain his independence.
Let him find his own way! Allow him to own his mistakes and savor his victories. It is enough to be there and encourage him.
3. You hump him too much
You want your teenager to have the best, not to miss anything. It’s natural, but that doesn’t mean that your child has to be “assisted” and hunched over into old age. Excesses lead to self-centeredness, laxity, and even an irresponsible attitude.
Your teenager knows that whatever and however he asks, you will go above and beyond to satisfy his wishes. As a consequence, he will act without motivation, but also without gratitude, because he knows that mommy and daddy will push him from behind anyway.
Give him something much more valuable: a set of values, and principles to guide him in life. Confident in his own strength and armed with his seven years at home, your child will manage on his own through the thicket of life and carve his own path.
You are the exact opposite of the “clunky parent”. That is, at any request of your child, you shrug your shoulders and launch a “How do you want…”
Either because of lack of time or, because you don’t know how to communicate, you are overly permissive, and this confuses the child. Leave all the answers and responsibilities on his shoulders, without drawing limits, giving him milestones – or at least a helping hand when it’s really needed.
If for you maternal love means to control, give up that idea. Stop rummaging through the child’s things, stop eavesdropping on his phone conversations, and stop spying on him. Don’t raise your voice when he doesn’t listen to you blindly, and don’t threaten him either. Treat him like an adult, but allow him to be a kid once in a while.
One of the best techniques in negotiating and discussing with a teenager is to maintain your point of view and attitude, regardless of what he does. Safety and trust in yourself are, most often, enough to avoid a conflict.
After things calm down, you can communicate with him and see what is really bothering him. Most of the time, teenagers become irritable precisely when they are insecure about themselves and when they don’t feel loved and appreciated.