“Family life is the first school of emotions” says Daniel Goleman, author of the book “Emotional Intelligence”. From the way parents interact with children, the latter learn how and what is right to feel in their relationships with others and in their relationship with themselves. Beliefs formed in childhood will create the patterns of later relationships.
The teenager experiences emotions to the full, experiencing new ones and giving new meanings to older ones. The positive ones, such as love at this age, but also the negative ones are authentic, pure and lived at maximum intensity. It is the period full of fears, frustrations and inner conflicts.
Hence the lack of balance in the expression of emotions. “When we talk about emotional imbalance, we have in mind, on the one hand, the intense, repetitive experience of contradictory emotional states that the adolescent feels to be overwhelming and finds it difficult to manage them.
“In most cases, the causes of the emotional imbalance lie in the adolescent’s life story, in the traumas suffered in childhood, in periods of prolonged stress, in the absence of a secure environment”, is Cristina Bîrzoiu’s opinion. The psychologist says that these problems do not appear suddenly, but are now amplified, exacerbated by adolescence. It is a period with multiple hormonal, bodily, psychological and behavioral changes that the adolescent tries to cope with.
On the other hand, dysfunctional thoughts about him, the world and others,” says psychologist Cristina Bîrzoiu. Behavioral changes resulting from the way they feel and think can include conditions such as isolation, excessive jealousy, low interest in school and family, addictions, outbursts of anger or even violence, and even suicidal ideation.
Hormonal changes closely related to emotions
Hormonal changes specific to adolescence also have their role in amplifying the states. Emotional imbalance is also due to hormonal imbalance, they are closely related. The appearance of menstruation can be the reason for an emotional imbalance in the case of girls. As well as, in the case of boys, we can talk about the growth of facial hair that can be linked to a faulty balance of emotions.
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Complexes inevitably appear in the life of a teenager. And here we can talk about inferiority or superiority.
“Complexes appear by comparison with others and by trying to correspond to an image considered ideal by the adolescent. Self-esteem is affected and is accompanied by a feeling of inferiority to others,” says the specialist.
The parent can talk openly with the teenager about the complexes he may develop. “Encourage him to ask himself positive questions, such as: What did I like about myself today? What made me happy today? The discussions about the changes they are going through and the support offered, the sincere appreciations, the encouragement of involvement in various extracurricular activities help to overcome the complexes”, says the psychologist.
It encourages positive experiences
The teenager is still emotionally attached to his parents. And this even if his behavior is unbalanced.
“Avoid criticism and disregard and insist on finding out what’s going on. Express your concern for his condition and assure him that he has your full support. It encourages the experience of positive emotions, being a model in this regard. The power of example can make him reconsider his destructive thoughts and emotions. You can guide him, but give him the freedom to experience the choices that bring him joy and inspire him. From my point of view, calling a psychotherapist with whom the teenager feels comfortable is the most suitable solution, which will help him restore his inner balance”, concludes psychologist Cristina Bîrzoiu.
Cristina Bîrzoiu, psychologist and psychotherapist, specialized in classical psychodrama and transactional analysis under supervision
Professional civil society of psychology
e-mail: [email protected]
“Doctor David Newmark identifies in his book “How to raise emotionally healthy children” 5 fundamental emotional needs of the child, often ignored by parents: the need to be respected, to feel important, to be accepted, to feel in safety and to feel that he belongs to the family of which he is a part.
A safe environment in which a child is born and grows is extremely important. The first years of life are essential for this purpose because during this period attachment patterns are formed. A secure attachment is formed when parents are predictable and emotionally attentive to their child.
Children need structure and boundaries. Healthy limits are imposed with empathy, warmth and firmness, explaining to children the negative consequences of their inappropriate behaviors. Depending on their age, allow them to ask them questions and listen to their arguments about the rules.
Let’s allow ourselves to learn from the interaction with the children. The persistence with which the child tests the parent’s limit is an example of the parent who sometimes gives in to the child’s demands and sometimes limits him, thus sending him an ambiguous message. The rules imposed must be explicit, reasonable and in accordance with the child’s age. To reinforce behaviors considered good, appreciating them for what they are and what they do. As they grow, respect their need for privacy and independence.”